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Grant Birchmeier is from West Michigan but currently lives in Chicagoland.

Impatient for the Apocalypse

There are a significant number of American fruit loops who are trying to hasten the end times. Yeah, you're like, "So? Crazy cults." No, these are straight-up fundamentalist Christians. And there's lots of them.

Stay with me here, I find this kind of hilarious.

For thousands of years, prophets have predicted the end of the world. Today, various religious groups, using the latest technology, are trying to hasten it.

Their endgame is to speed the promised arrival of a messiah.

For some Christians this means laying the groundwork for Armageddon.

With that goal in mind, mega-church pastors recently met in Inglewood to polish strategies for using global communications and aircraft to transport missionaries to fulfill the Great Commission: to make every person on Earth aware of Jesus' message. Doing so, they believe, will bring about the end, perhaps within two decades.

This collective stupidity is so significant that these retards are affecting foreign policy:

"I'm grateful for all the wonderful Christian angels wanting to help us," Solomon [spokesman for Jerusalem's Temple Institute] added, acknowledging the political support from "Christians who are now Israel's best lobbyists in the United States."

Intrigued? Read the story:
'End Times' Religious Groups Want Apocalypse Soon

What is it that makes these nutjobs think they need to see Revelations performed first-hand? Are they worried that they'll miss the show? Is the Virgin Mary potato chip not strong enough evidence of God's love? Are they seeking an affirmation of faith that only the emergence of the Antichrist can provide?

Does a redneck cattle-farmer in Mississippi believe that God's ready to hang it up any day now, if only some yahoo would hurry up and breed some red cows already? In fact, that's exactly true! "Something deep in my heart says God wants me to be a blessing to Israel," Lott said in a telephone interview. Good luck with that, chief.

I kinda like the Jewish/Isreali reaction, which is basically, "Yeah, you're crazy, and you think we're hellbound, but we'll take your help and money anyway." Which is exactly the correct response, I think.


2006-07-15 3:23pm Electric Six live in concert


2006-05-02 10:55pm Cat Bastard
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